Midgardian Devices
by velvetrose09
Summary: Thor has been assaulted by an over eager salesman who convinces him to buy a pair of cell phones. He does, so what happens when you equipped two norse deities with cell phones? Thor and Loki and cell phone conversations in stranger situations.
1. Midgard Malls

**This is my FIRST fic for Thor (based on Marvel movies) It's a little something to give back to all of you writing the awesome tear jerking stuff. A little dust bunny I couldn't get out of my head.**

Here's some basic notes

Takes place: POST AVENGERS

BIFROST is REPAIRED

FRIGGA IS ALIVE.

TDW has NOT happened.

Enjoy.

Chapter 1: Midgard Malls

Thor walks with Jane through the mall. It is not unlike the markets back in Asgard. A little ways ahead of them stands a skinny man with slicked back hair and he has his eye like a predator on Thor as he walks by. The man notices something about Thor immediately. Unlike everyone else walking by at the Mall this Saturday morning, Thor does not carry a cell phone.

"Good morning, good sir!"

"Good morning, son of Jacob" Thor says reading the sales man's badge.

"It's just Henry good sir, and boy, have I got a deal for you!" He says, pulling Thor to his stall. Thor looked alarmed and tried to reach for Jane, but she had already gone ahead into a store called Victoria's Secret. Perhaps Victoria is a fortune teller, Thor thinks as he furious searches for Jane's bobbing dark curls, now lost in a sea of Midgardian women clamoring about the shop.

Son of Jacob spoke to him again, "Now, do you have a cell phone?"

"I do not. Nor do I-"

"Excellent! We can set you up with a plan today! And it your lucky day, buy one plan and you can add another for free!" Henry says with a spark in his eye.

"I do not know what this cell phone is you speak of, and I do not wish to procure any sort of 'plans'" Thor said cautiously.

"You don't? Don't they have cells phones from where you're from? Let me guess Great Britain? Didn't know they were that backwards!"

Thor bristled, if the man was referring to Asgard as backwards he would show him backwards with quick work by mjolnir. The man seemed to pick on his facial expressions, "Oh, no, I don't mean to be offensive! Here let me show you the wonders of the cell phone. You can use it to communicate with you loved ones no matter how far they might be."

* * *

Not much later Thor stood in front of Jane, and tall as he might be compared the shorter woman, her glare easily made him feel much smaller. "You bought two cell phones?" Jane giving him her surprised look when he did something she did not expect like smash mugs or make her pancakes, he couldn't be sure if she was upset or not. Jane seemed to pick up on his apprehension. "Look, I can understand why you would want one…but _two_? What are you going to with the other one?" she says, hands on her hips.

Yet it was quite obvious to Thor, "Give one to Loki, of course"

Jane's eyes got bigger-if that was possible, "Loki? Loki-who tried to destroy New York? Loki who-"

"Yes, my mischievous brother Loki, this way I can keep tabs on him, no matter where he might be"

"Hmm…" Jane said thoughtfully, "You know, that's actually not a bad idea!"

Thor smiles widely at Jane's approval, "It is, is it not?"

* * *

With the Bifrost fully repaired, Thor arrived in Asgard by nightfall. He felt strange creeping around the palace but he wanted to avoid any questioning and surely if his friends knew of his return they would not let him see Loki, at least not without sitting many a feasts with them. He entered the prison, the guards looked alarmed to see him but nonetheless let him pass without a word after all, he was still prince and heir to the throne. He walked past the many cells without even a second glance until he got to the far end a familiar figure stood regally with his back to the front of the cell.

"Brother…I need your help" Thor said from behind the barrier.

The one he called brother did not move for a moment and then, his silky voice came, "You must be really _desperate_…to come to me for help, Thor"

Thor frowned at the seemingly disembodied voice, "Enough with the illusions Loki!"

Suddenly the regal standing prince disappeared with the wave a hand and Loki sat on the floor of his room. Thor tried not to let the shock of his brother's appearance show on his face. Loki's clothing was disheveled, his hair in completely disarray and his knuckles bruised.

Loki looked up at him, "Stop giving me that look" he snapped, "I can tell what you're thinking it's written all over your face, you fool no one but yourself!"

Thor shifted on his foot, "How goes your sentence?"

Loki shrugged, "What do you care."

Thor frowned, swiftly pressing a hand to the glass, "Of course I care, I am your brother!"

"As you_ claim_, and yet you had not come once!" Thor thought he heard Loki's voice waver but it could have been his imagination.

He clears his throat, "I am here now, am I not?" he says attempting to clear his own conscious.

Loki barely restrains rolling his eyes, "Yes, and only for my help?"

Thor nods, "I met a vendor in the Midgardian markets"

Loki looks up suddenly, "You visited their malls?"

Thor smiles now, "Yes, and I acquired a great thing."

Loki tries not to show interest when he says, and busies himself inspecting his nails when he says, "And what would that be?"

Thor grins, "A mobile device"

Loki looks up, surprise if not curiosity apparent on his face. The barrier holding Thor outside the cell drops only for a moment and Thor quickly walks toward Loki, "I only require your assistance in learning to use it"

Loki's surprise is wiped away along with his curiosity, and his voice is cutting when he asks, "Why not ask your Midgardian woman you are so fond of? Or is she dead?"

Thor is taken aback, "She is not." he frowns. Loki is trying to get under his skin, he knows that but he took the risk anyway.

Then slowly it dawns on Loki, "Of course… you don't want to look a fool in front of her, at least no more than you already do, I suppose"

Thor frowns, "No. I do not. Now will you help me or shall I leave?"

Loki eyes quickly look up, desperately thorn between telling his brother off and craving any sort of company.

"I will help. I don't want you breaking it with your big bear claws," he snaps. Thor hides his smile and merely raises a brow. "You might not be so off put, I have brought one for you too." He says at this Loki looks up his green eyes scanning Thor's face abruptly, with utter disbelief as Thor takes the devices out from within in cloak.

For the briefest of moments, Thor notes, his brother looks at him with something other than contempt. Loki accepts the gift, his voice light, "I- thank you brother…." Then it is quickly gone as Loki's voice edges upon ice, "though this will have no use to me in the confines of this cell. As usual your gifts to me are simply an afterthought to providing for yourself."

It is no less of a thank you than what he has come to expect from his brother. He sits down on the cot hands on his knees, "I would hope to keep contact with you through this device while I am on Midgard and you are in this cell"

Loki has taken one of the devices and runs his hands over it, "You are ever a fool, brother," He says without looking up fingers rapidly tapping the device as it comes to life. Thor smiles openly, Loki has called him brother, perhaps there is hope his little brother, yet.

****Chapter Two: Thor is in a meeting with the Avengers. Loki is bored. And that damned Midgard device keeps beeping! Suggestions for future chapters are welcomed and maybe taken into consideration. :)**


	2. Avengers Unite

**Chapter Two: Thor is in a meeting with the Avengers. And that damned Midgard device keeps beeping!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing… *cries***

* * *

**Avengers Unite**

Nick Fury stands in front of a group of what might be known as "Earth's Mightiest Heroes" feeling, much to his irritation, like a zoo keeper for baby pandas and vicious lion cubs.  
"Whose idea was it to have these meetings so early, wait let me guess…America's one and only, Spangles?" Tony Stark snaps, from his beneath his hat, pulling it forward to cover his eyes glaring at Steve.

The Captain shifted in his seat, "There's great virtue in getting up in the morning hours, and maybe you shouldn't party so hard on a Sunday night, when you know getting productive-"

"Hey! Don't hate my life style just because you hate me. I knew it" Tony concludes.

"Shut up, Tony" Natasha says from across the room.

"Tasha!" Tony says looking hurt. The doors suddenly open and Thor is standing in the doorway, "Friends, I apologize for the delay, I have taken to public transport as Jane suggested flying would attract the attention of the locals."

Fury nods, "It's alright, it's hard as _hell_ to get you all together as it is, let's just get this over with, without interruptions," he says leveling his gave at Stark. Tony is about to open his mouth and interrupt when he sees the glare Natasha is giving him and turns to her, making a gesture to zip his mouth with his fingers. Clint rolls his eyes and beside him Banner let's out a sigh, "Let's get on with it," he mumbles.

Fury stands with his hands behind his back, "So it's been sometime since we've had intergalactic trouble, we definitely made an impression on any alien life out in the world, that we are not to be messed with, so why do I call you now?" The heroes look at each other, sharing serious glance. Their faces share similar expressions, what threat could earth be facing after so soon after the Chitauri attack?

"_I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world!" The _song blasts from the right corner of the room.

"What the in the name-?!" Fury shouts.

"Wait, who is that? _Natasha_?"

"What the hell, Clint! That is not me, why would you even think-"

"It's not me, but I mean…"

"_Life in plastic, it's fantaaaastic!"_

"Everyone calm down, it's not an attack, it's somebody's phone!" Bruce said raises his hands.

"That's funny, I mean coming from you," Tony looks around the room, "Oh, come on, am I the only one who thinks it's funny that Bruce is telling us to calm down?"

The song keeps getting louder with the lyrics becoming more pronounced.

"_You can brush my hair, undress me anywheeeree_"

Thor reaches down in his Midgardin suit and pulls the small device from his pocket, his face a fair shade redder than normal.  
"Thor?! I would have never guessed! Just goes to show, you can never really know a person"

"Tony!" Steve says, "You shouldn't judge him,"

"But it's okay to judge me? _Clint_?" Natasha now leveling her gazes at her partner.

Thor scowls, "_Loki_" he hisses under his breath.

After a few buttons pressed, with help from Bruce, the meeting continues without further interruptions. Fury continued his talking, a hologram now outlining possible villains that Shield had been keeping tabs on.

"What happened to innocent until proven guilty?" Steve can't help but say. "Yeah, I didn't sign up to spy on_ possible_ criminals" Bruce adds.

Fury lets out a breath, standing to his full height. "This is a matter of national security, and if you can't respect that-"

_Ping!_

Thor shifts in his seat. Fury tries to compose himself. Tony turns in his seat, Bruce let's out another sigh.

_Ping!_

_Ping! _

Thor pushes his seat back to pull the mobile device out of his back pocket, "I apologize friends," he says looking abashed.

_Ping!_

"Wait, he get's to take his phone out and _text_? And I'm not allowed to bring my holographic mini pad? Where's the justice in that? Spangles back me up on this one."

Fury who was turned towards Thor turns his attention on Tony, "Stark, will you just, for _one_ damned second shut up?"

_Ping!_

Bruce helps Thor put the phone on 'silent' and tries not to look alarmed when Thor has five unread messages from none other than the villain himself, _Lok_i.

Bruce busies himself in the rest of Fury's presentation trying his best not to look nervous. Thor sits beside, his fingers working the device slowly in his large palms.

_Loki: Thor…_

_Loki: Thor…_

_Loki: Thorr…_

_Loki: Thorrr…_

**Thor:** _**In a meeting. What is the matter-Thor**_

Loki: …_Thorr, this is important._

**Thor: What is the matter of urgency? –Thor**

Loki: _You would save more time if stopped signing your messages, you dolt. I already know it's you, Thor._

**Thor: Yes, ok. Very well. What is matter of urgency you wish to speak? Is Asgard sound?**

_Loki: Yes..but this isn't about that_.

**Thor: Then what is it brother? Are Mother and Father well?**

Loki: _Yes, your parents are well._

**Thor: They are your parents as well**

**Thor: Loki if all is well, then for what pressing matter have you messaged me?**

Loki: _Thor_…._ I'm bored._

Thor slams his fist down on the table, how Loki unwittingly (or not) managed to interrupt him and make him look like an idiot being miles away in Asgard astounds him. Around him the Avengers all look up in alarm.

Fury looks up, "Everything alright?" He addresses the Asgardian Prince.

Thor seethes with fury, but before he can respond, there is another _Ping!_


	3. Whining

Loki: _THOR_

Loki: _THOR_

Loki: _THORRR_

**Thor: Loki, how do you fair today brother?**

Loki: Did you give my number to your humans?

**Thor: ... Loki they are not **_**my **_**humans. They belong not to me or anyone.**

Loki: They are.

**Thor: They're not**

Loki: Are too.

**Thor: ARE NOT**

Loki: ARE TOO!

**Thor: LOKI I WILL COME UP THERE AND…**

Loki: And what? As usual, full of empty threats you are, _brother_…

**Thor: Was there any purpose or reason for you messaging me at this hour**?

Loki: Ruin the fun why don't you? And, yes, there is_. You_, _Thor Odinson,_ have betrayed me to your humans.

**Thor: I know not what you speak of brother and I cannot tell if you jest.**

Loki: Have you known me to jest? Who is this Lewis Darcy you've lended my number to? He will not stop sending me messages and me-mes!

**Thor:…Darcy? Why, she is Jane's closet companion. And brother did you not mention, quite clearly, yes I recall…you being bored?**

Loki: lkajsdlfkj…

**Thor: Loki are you alright? Is your device okay?**

Loki: **facepalm**

**Thor: Is your face all right, brother?**

Loki: I will spare you those details, Thor, this is a problem, she will not stop messaging me…and the messages are getting very, very strange!

Loki: You must stop her at once!

**Thor: And how do you suggest I do that?**

Loki: Destroy her device! What use is that hammer of yours' if you cannot do good?

**Thor: I rather think you ought to know how it feels. **

Loki: DROWN IT IN THE OCEANS!

**Thor: It cannot be that bad. Jane quite enjoys Darcy's company and Jane is quite a sensible woman.**

Loki: I'd rather suffer imprisonment with the dwarves!

**Thor:…Well, I could speak with father and have that arranged if you desire as much! **

**Thor: Loki?**

**Thor: Loki? I was only speaking in jest, you must know I would never hand you to the dwarves…again.**

**Thor: It was one time. ONCE. We were but children. Come on, Loki, surely you cannot still hold that against me. **

**Thor: Brother, come on now… **

_Loki Odinson has added you to a three way chat with ._ _Accept?_


	4. Taser Tricks

Warning: Taser Tricks

_Three way chat has been initiated between Loki Odinson, Thor Odinson, and Darcy Lewis.  
_

Darcy Lewis: OMG!

_Loki: Here she goes again… _

**Thor: Loki, what is the meaning of this?**

DL: OMG OMG OMG OMG! I'M IN A CHAT WITH TWO OF THE HOTTEST GUYS NOT FROM EARTH. **Passes out**

**Thor: Loki, are you well brother? I did not realize it was hot in your prison cell. Darcy, are you well? Have you passed out? Shall I call for Jane?**

DL: It's just an expression, Thor! I haven't actually passed out. I mean if I did, how would I even write that?

**Thor: Oh yes, of course.**

_Loki: __**snickers**_

**Thor: Though in truth I find nothing of hilarity brother, had Lady Darcy actually passed out I would be most grievously concern as should you. **

_Loki: Of course, you would, you oaf, but at least I might get some peace from her imminent silence._

Darcy: RUDE! You know Loki, I'm starting to get why all the Avengers are pissed at you, you can be a real –

**Thor: Mischievous elvish horse?**

Darcy: Not the word I would have used, but sure Thor

_Loki: Yes, well I'm surprised Ms. Foster and my brother even put up with the likes of you and your incessant prattling, no doubt. _

Darcy: Woah, Jane doesn't 'put up' with me, we're friends. Can't say the same for Thor putting up with you!

**Thor: Loki, I do not think that is accurate. Darcy is Jane's dearest companion…after me.**

Darcy: Thank you, Thor. And I'm sorry I'm pretty sure I come first for Jane. Ovaries before brovaries, and everything, you know?

_Loki: __**Snickers**__ Ovaries_

Darcy: Real mature. How old are you again?

_Loki: 1048 years. _

Darcy: Yup. And yet you still act like a child. I'm really starting to get why you're in Asgard on timeout now.

_Loki: What?! I'm not in time out! …Why do I even answer your questions?_

**Thor: It **_**is**_** sort of like time out. Great "expression" Darcy! **

Darcy: Thanks Thor!

_Loki: It is not time out!_

**Thor: It is too!**

Loki: Is not!

**Thor: IS TOO!**

_LOKI: IS NOT THOR, I'M TELLING ALL-MOTHER! _

Darcy: Seriously, both of you guys? And wow the mom card, Loki? Really?

Darcy: Two Asgardian princes acting like five year olds, yup I'm posting this to tumblr.

_Loki: He started it!_

**Thor: Did not!**

Darcy: Actually…I started it and I'm starting to regret it now.

_Loki: Good! That was my plan all along…_

Darcy: And the evil villain reveals his great plans…

_Loki: What's wrong with that?_

**Thor: But Loki is not an evil villain.**

_Loki: Please, brother, don't insult me. _

Darcy: Well if you give up your plans right away…you know you're sort of setting yourself up to fail. Are you sure you're the smart one?

_Loki: Of course I am. That's not a question._

Darcy: wait…did you set yourself up to fail?

_Loki: ….No _

**Thor: Darcy! You are quite right, my brother only claims to be wish to left alone, he really enjoys your company.**

Darcy: I was talking about with the crazy alien attack in New York? I mean, what if Loki told everyone his plans because he wanted you and the Avengers to stop him!?

**Thor: What? I had truly never thought of that! Loki has always been so secretive, I did think it strange what he was willing to do under the influence of the tesseract! **

_Loki: I have no idea of which you speak._

**Thor: I will return to Asgard and speak to father about the matter immediately!**

Loki: **sends photo**

Darcy: Loki, quit sexting me pictures of your chiseled jaw line to change the subject.

_Loki: I don't know what you are speaking about Lady Darcy._

Darcy: Seriously, stop. You're not getting anything from me. Nope. Not even thinking about those totally kissable lips.

Darcy: Ewww! I didn't mean that. I didn't!

Loki: **smirks**

**Thor: What is sexting?**

Darcy: Uhm..it's really nothing Thor, and while we're on the subject, you should never uh, ever mention that to Jane. K?

**Thor: I should not ask Jane about sexting? Alright. **

Darcy: Why don't I feel reassured?

_Loki: While we're on the subject…_

Darcy: We're NOT on the subject…*changes subject* Oh, look a puppy!

**Thor: I do not see this puppy.**

_Loki: Neither do I. You are not skilled at changing the subject Lady Darcy._

Darcy: No? Sorry. I'm not a sliver tongue liar either.

_Loki: There's only one way to find out who the silver tongue is between us._

Darcy: I'm not making out with u if that's what ur getting at. I'm not. Seriously not even thinking about it.

_Loki: You are a horrible liar, Darcy Lewis._

**Thor: Lady Darcy, do not underestimate my brother's prowess in luring a maiden. Even Lady Sif is curious of his abilities to court.**

Darcy: Why do I feel like Sif would say differently if she were here?

**Thor: Excellent idea! I shall get Sif a mobile device as well!**

_Loki: Thor, no! _

Darcy: Jealous much?

_Loki: Hmph._

Darcy: Green really isn't your color…

Darcy: Actually, I take that back…it is your color.

_Loki: …why, thank you._

**Thor: See, you both can be friends! This makes me joyous, Brother!**

_Loki: What? No, no that was NOT supposed to happen._

**Thor: When I come back to Asgard, I will give you the biggest hug!**

Darcy: D'awww

_Loki: No! Thor, you will not touch me. You are not hugging me. Do you hear me Thor Odinson?!_

**Thor has left the chat. **

**Thor: (away message) Sorry, on bifrost. Will message back ASAP.**

_Loki: He doesn't even know what ASAP means._

Darcy: Wow that was fast. You guys are too cute. Mostly Thor, you're just meh. Thor's a puppy.

_Loki:_ _Darcy Lewis, I will find you on Midgard and when I do-not if-but when-_

Darcy: Oh, whatever, Loki! We both know you sure as hell wanna _kiss _me, so whenever you get here, it's the apartment to the left of wherever Jane and Thor are staying.

_Loki:…._

Darcy: And you're excited Thor's coming to hug you, and you're going to let him do it for more than fifteen seconds.

_Loki: aljsdlfjka_

Darcy: **Smirks**


	5. Mama's Boy

_Lots of Love & Mama's Boys._

_(The names appear as they would in Loki's phone)_

Unknown number: Loki, you will always be my little prince. Always remember that I love you, no matter what.

Loki: You _What?!_

_Loki: This had better be a joke Thor!_

_Loki: Thor?!_

Unknown number: Oh, I'm sorry baby!

_Loki: I'm going to be ill. Please, for the love of all that is Midgard if this is you, Thor-!_

Unknown number: This is your mother, Loki. Thor bought me a device from the humans. He said I could use it to communicate with you, and your father will never know!

_Loki: Mother?_

_Loki has added a new contact_

All-Mother(mummy): Yes dear?

_Loki: ODIN IS NOT MY FATHER!_

All-Mother(mummy): Oh really?

_Loki: …yes._

All-Mother(mummy): Then am I not your mother?

_Loki: No….you are not. :(_

All-Mother(mummy): Do you want me to come down so you can say that directly to me?

All-Mother(mummy): After I raised you by my own hand and taught you everything you know?

_Loki: Mother, I-_

All-Mother(mummy): And wiped every one of your tears and sang you to sleep? How can I bare the title of the All-Mother when clearly, I should have spanked someone more often.

_Loki: No! I didn't mean it, Mummy!_

_Loki: I didn't mean it!_

_Loki: Promise. _

All-Mother (Mummy): Good. There's my baby. Have you eaten anything dear?

_Loki: No._

All-Mother (Mummy): Loki!

_Loki: I wasn't hungry._

All-Mother(Mummy): What am I going to with you?

_Loki: You've left me in a cell_.

All-Mother(Mummy): Loki, you are only facing the consequences of your actions. You know that.

_Loki: Mummy..?_

All-Mother(Mummy): Yes, dear?

_Loki: Can you send me another book?_

All-Mother(Mummy): I'll think about it dear, your father's worried it might give you the wrong ideas.

_Loki: I'm not going to take over Midgard again, promise. Plus, Thor ruined the fun._

All-Mother(Mummy): Loki! There's nothing fun about enslaving an entire planet.

_Loki: Yes, well…_

All-Mother(Mummy): You're not arguing with me again, are you, young man?

_Loki: …no, of course not._

All-Mother (Mummy): Very well. I shall send down a book with one of the guards.

_Loki: Really?_

All-Mother(Mummy): Have you known me to go back on my word?

_Loki: Love you, mummy._

_Thor Odinson has joined the conversation. _

_(The names appear as they would in Thor's phone)_

Loki: Who invited him?!

All-Mother(Mummy): He's your brother, Loki you be good to remember that!

**Thor: Mother! How are you liking your device**.

All-Mother: It's quite extraordinary coming from the humans. Now I can talk with my little prince.

_Loki: Mother, please. _

All-Mother: Sweetheart, you are my little price, my baby, no matter how old you think you are.

**Thor: Little Prince? LOL!**

_Loki: It's Not FUNNY THOR._

All-Mother: Thor dear, what is a LOL?

**Thor: It means "Lots of love" mother**.

_Loki: What?! Does not! Mummy he's lying to you! Thor is laughing at me_.

**Thor: How would you know? **

_Loki: You're standing outside my cell, you idiot. _

_Loki: Now you're throwing your head back laughing. _

All-Mother: Loki! Thor has come to visit you and is sending you lots of love? At least I have raised one of you correctly.

**Thor: Thank you, All-Mother.**

_Loki: Mum he just stuck his tongue out at me! _

**Thor: Mother, Loki just threw a plate of mush at my head!**

_Loki: Mum, Thor is trying to hug me!_

**Thor: Mother, Loki is not hugging me!**

_Loki: I'M BEING SMUTHERED. HE'S SITTING ON ME. _

**Thor: PROVE IT…LITTLE PRINCE.**

_Loki: MOOOOVE._

**Thor: No. Hehe.**

All-Mother: Boys! Don't make me come down there!

_Loki: THOR GERROFF ME! I'M NOT A HORSE._

All-Mother: That's it. I'm coming down there, both of you will be getting a proper smack over my knee.

**Thor: Sorry mum.**

_Loki: Sorry mummy._

**Thor: Love you mum.**

_Loki: Love you more than Thor does._

All-Mother: There are my sweet boys. I love both of you and I will always love you both no matter what, LOL!

Loki: **facepalm**


	6. Taser Tricks and Therapy

_By popular demand….TaserTricks #PART TWO!_

_Thank you for all the lovely reviews! You guys are awesome._

**Darcy: Okay, tell me what's wrong.**

_Loki: Life. The universe. The entirety of the Nine Realms, take your pick. _

**Darcy: Stop sulking**

_Loki: I am not sulking._

**Darcy: Are too! You keep spending me snap chats yourself staring off in the distance with your chin jutting out like you're too cool for Asgard.**

**Darcy: OMG! You are**_** literally**_** too cool for Asgard, I mean cause you're like a frost giant-you know?**

**Darcy: Ooh….sorry, too far?**

**Darcy: Come on! It was a joke. Aren't your suppose to be the trickster dude or something?**

_Loki: The more you speak the more insulting it is, but then again what I can I expect conversing with a mortal?_

**Darcy: So we're back to mortal now? Well, ehh, I guess I deserved that one. **

_Loki: Of course you did. _

**Darcy: Back to sulking, are we?**

_Loki: I have a great dislike for you._

**Darcy: Oh? I had no idea, tell me more…**

_Loki: And my stupid oaf of a brother and that mortal woman_

**Darcy: Jane? **

_Loki: And the green beast_

**Darcy: Hey! I think the Hulk actually likes you now…weird I know.**

_Loki: I hate everyone. _

**Darcy: Oh, you forgot the "no one understands me" part. **

_Loki: Are you mocking me, mortal?_

**Darcy: Oyi! I have a name okay?….and nooope whatever gave you that idea?!**

**Darcy: Listen, Loki I get you feel like you got the short end of the stick-I mean with Thor being like all popular and cool and you being his baby brother. **

_Loki: You know nothing of what I feel. _

**Darcy: You might not want to hear this, but I kindaaa get it. **

_Loki: Get what?_

**Darcy: I mean what it feels like to be left out. Before I met Jane, I didn't really uhh have friends. It really sucked, especially in high school. No one asked me to go to prom in a cute way, every time there was dance or something I always felt awkward as hell because I didn't know what to do with myself…it pretty much sucked.**

_Loki: …you had feasts on Midgard at this high school?_

**Darcy: Well, if you call a bunch of people dressed up in super expensive outfits drinking punch and dancing and making you a point to make you feel left out a ball then, yea we did. **

_Loki: I see. And no one asked you to dance?_

**Darcy: Nope. They always asked the 'pretty girls' or who they thought were pretty and popular. Everyone wanted to be them, but I wanted to be myself-apparently that's not cool in high school**.

_Loki: Mortals are clearly a lot less intelligent than I had originally thought. _

**Darcy: Could I say the same about Asgardians?**

_Loki: Yes, I suppose. Thor is enough proof to that statement._

**Darcy: HEY! No more big-brother bashing, okay? Thor's a nice guy. And he saved earth. And I think he's spent a lifetime stopping people from killing you. I'm sure of it.**

_Loki: He would do that for anyone. No one ever danced with me at the feasts. There were lines of maids waiting for Asgard's shining prince, Thor. _

**Darcy: Loki, did you ever think to tell Thor how you felt?**

_Loki: He's always too busy with his friends. They were always dear to him and so much more important._

**Darcy: So this isn't about you not being invited to dance, this is about you being important to Thor?**

**Darcy: Is that why you chose Midgard? Because it was important to Thor, more important to him than you though you were?**

_Loki: Look, a puppy!_

**Darcy: LOL! Nope, you're not getting out of this one. You're going to tell Thor how you really feel.**

_Loki: I do not like you, Lewis Darcy._

_Loki: He knows well that I hate him there is nothing else to tell. _

**Darcy: Oh don't even! You're a master of lies! I mean technically every time you say you hate him, you're pretty much saying how much you love him. Wow, I can't believe I thought of that, I'm freaking awesome.**

**Darcy: Okay once Thor get's done saving the world today, we'll add him to the chat and you can tell him how you really feel, pink promise?**

_Loki: My pinky will do no such thing._

**Darcy: Ugh. Being your therapist would suck. **

**Darcy: Whatever, you didn't deny any of it, so I guess that's progress.**

_Loki: Darcy?_

**Darcy: Yes?**

_Loki: If-in hypothetical circumstances-I was your school-high festival I would ask you to dance._

**Darcy: Woah, what!? Where did that come from!?**

_Loki: I thought to tell you, only because it would mean I would not have to hear your whining in the future._

**Darcy: Well, aren't you the King of backhanded compliments. **

_Loki: I was only speaking the truth that you so wished me to._

**Darcy: I guess that's sweet coming from a supervillan. Hey next time you're on Earth, wanna get burgers or something? I mean as long you're not still doing that whole world domination thing?**

_Loki: Yes. I would love to_

**Darcy: There's also this Shawarma place…**

Loki: No.

**Darcy: Really? I've heard it's really good**

_Loki: No. If you ever mention such a foul idea again, I shall never speak to you._

**Darcy: Woah, okay no shawarma, what do you have against yummy Middle Eastern food?**

_Loki: It does not matter. Odin will never let me out of this cell anyway._

**Darcy: And there's the Loki we all know and love!**

_Loki: Love?_

**Darcy: Look, we just got through big brother issues do you really want to talk about daddy issues now?**

_Loki: He's NOT MY FATHER!_

**Darcy: Ookay fine. He's not, but isn't he the guy who idk saved you from dying alone when you were an infant.**

**Darcy: Loki?**

**Darcy: You still there?**

**Darcy: Loki, are you crying?**

_Loki: He said my birthright was to die on rock. _

**Darcy: Oh crap! No, he didn't!?**

_Loki: At my trial._

**Darcy: ****Hugs**

**Darcy: But let's be clear here…were you being an ass?**

_Loki: No more than usual…he didn't have to say that._

**Darcy: Awwww Loki don't cry. I mean it's not a bad thing, you can cry. I mean you should cry. It's probably looked down upon in Asgard or something, but thinking about you sitting alone in that cell crying- **

_Loki: I am not crying. _

**Darcy: I don't know man; you're taking an awful long time to text back…**

**Darcy: but yeah…that's pretty harsh. But he did banish Thor, and doesn't he love Thor the most? I mean sounds like Big daddy Odin's got some anger management issues when you two eff up. **

**Darcy: Doesn't mean he doesn't love you. I mean we all do or say stupid things when we're angry. **

_Loki: I suppose. _

**Darcy: Man, I should really be a therapist. I'm so good at this stuff. **

_Loki: And so eloquent as well. _

**Darcy: Oh, shut up. **

_Loki: Darcy?_

**Darcy: Ya?**

_Loki: Will you be alive tomorrow? _

**Darcy: Woahh what hell kind of question is that?!**

_Loki: I wish to text with you and mortals have short, unexpected lifetimes…_

**Darcy: Wow, okay, no, I do not plan on dying tomorrow, as long as you don't do anything stupid like try and take over the world or something, I will be right here**.

_Loki: Well then thank you and goodnight Lady Lewis Darcy. _

**Darcy: Night Loki.**

**Darcy: Woah, I can't believe I just said good night to a super sexy supervillan. #weird #wonderwhatheswearing**

_Loki: ?_

**Darcy: Uhh...**

_Loki: smirks. _


	7. Man of Iron

Sorry for the long wait—Tony was a bit tricky for me! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing—you are all so, so lovely!

Without further ado:

_**Man of Iron.**_

* * *

TS: Well, if it isn't reindeer games using a device from Earth-yes, the same planet you tried to destroy-if it wasn't for those…what were they called, oh yes, THE AVENGERS? Stopping you gosh, you'd never even have a cell phone. Can you see the IRONY in that?

_Loki: ….Man of Iron. _

TS: I prefer Ironman, but whatever floats your boat, Rudolph.

_Loki: So, Thor has betrayed my device number to you as well?! _

TS: Calm down Loki wan kanobi, Big brother didn't give me ur digits

_Loki: Then how?_

TS: Weeeeelll, I hacked it.

_Loki: And what the purpose of you contacting me._

TS: To ask you to…Join the Avengers!

_Loki: What?! I would never join a group of pathetic, miserable mortals as-_

TS: No? Good, I was only joking.

_Loki: Hmph_.

TS: I mean it would be realllly awkward if you said yes.

_Loki: It would not! It would be an honor for you mortals, that the very God of Mischief joined your ranks._

TS: Really? You would actually consider joining the Avengers-justtt to prove me wrong?

_Loki: Thor has and if he can, then so can I._

TS: Really? So this is really a baby brother can do anything big brother can competition?

_Loki: I can do anything Thor can. There is no competition._

TS: Really?

_Loki: If I wanted to, I could. You all could not stop me._

_TS: Ahh, Mr. Evil Soiled Pants on the side of good that would definitely make news. So….you're in?_

_Loki: You offers are full of false camaraderie, Man of Iron. You never gave that drink of you offered, as I recall. _

TS: Oh, don't blame me. How about next time you're trying to get big brother's attention you can-you know-not try to take over a planet.

_Loki: I was not trying to get Thor's attention!_

TS: Yeah, I don't believe that… First Thor tells us you killed yourself and then bam! You show up on his favorite planet and try to control it, what exactly were you doing?

_Loki: I have no need to explain myself to the likes of you. _

TS: No, but I have a whole on the floor in my tower thanks to you. Oh, and there was that thing where I almost died because I was trying to save the entire city from a nuc because of YOUR alien race army.

_Loki: Is there a point to this?_

TS: Do I have to have a purpose?

_Loki: No, I forgot. You pathetically short existence gives rise to you're inability to have reason for anything to do. _

TS: Wow, that's impressive.

_Loki: Smirk_

TS: Coming from the Trickster who's spending eternity in time-out.

_Loki: IT'S NOT TIME OUT! IT'S IMPRISONMENT YOU KNOW NOTHING OF ODIN'S ASGARDIAN FORM OF JUSTICE. _

TS: Really? Did you know Midgardian women think you're tragically misunderstood?

_Loki: Go on…_

TS: They think you're being tortured daily, whipped, beaten…among other things…They don't realize you've got a perfectly sizeable cell, relatively fashionable clothing-if you're in to that type of thing-and every book in the library we can't even imagine.

_Loki: Are you jealous Man of Iron?_

TS: What? Me? No way. I've got a tower and Jarvis and all my stuff

_Loki: A larger prison is still a prison, is it not?_

TS: Oh ho! No need to get all-wise with me, Rudolph, I have still have my friends and I can see them anytime.

_Loki: Who needs friends when you have an army?_

TS: A defeated army, don't forget. Keyword: DEFEATED. I mean what kind of army would you have right now? An army of mummies hugs and kisses?

_Loki:Enough! I will find you and kill you._

TS: Hey, now do you really want to start sending threats? I'm currently sitting in Shield headquarters, sending me threats could make your sentence a lot less tolerable.

_Loki: You dare to threat me, Man of Iron? I am-a prince of Asgard!_

TS: I thought you disowned Asgard aren't you a giant frosty or something?

_Loki: Frost giant and after I'm through with you your metal suit will freeze and rust and crush the very man who wears it and calls himself a hero. _

TS: Tsk, tsk Frosty what did Daddy tell you about the threats? But, look if it helps, I get it. Thor takes all the limelight that you need to impress Odin. Thor can be a jerk.

_Loki: You may continue…_

TS: Thor's like this big, arrogant as-uh-Thunder. And he thinks that makes him the foremost authority on everything because he can hit it with his little hammer Big O gave him. I can't stand that kind of person.

_Loki: Truly?_

TS: Yup…between me and you Frosty, I think there's a special in Hell for guys like Thor who pick on weaker guys who are smarter than him because he thinks he can crush anything with his big hammer and make it do what he wants.

_Loki: I do not understand, are you truly aware of my brother's arrogance and stupidity? _

TS: Of course I am! I see it first hand; yeah we're all on the same team, but man there are days…. And of course there's _allllll_ this stuff on the Internet….

_Loki: …The Internet?_

TS: Don't tell me you haven't heard of the internettt?wlj3 92

_Loki: Your ability to type is atrocious and speaks little of your intellect, still, you bring up compelling points about my bro-no about Thor._

TS: Oyii, that's what texting is for, u dnt have 2 b grammatically correct

_Loki: A disgrace to langue itself, but I suppose you enjoy that sort of thing don't you, Man of Iron?_

TS: I'm just going to ignore that crap, but if it means annoying you, yes, yes I do. But seriously , you havnt heard of the internet? Huge online database filled with all sorts of information-one place with all the answers to almost every question that has ever existed.

_Loki: No…._

_Loki: how does one speak to this Internet?_

TS: Ooh, I don't know if you'd like to know about pathetic mortal technology…

_Loki: It is a matter to exploration; no doubt I would find myself disappointed after having made acquaintance with this All-Knowing Internet being._

TS: Well, it's really quite simple…you can actually access it through your phone…

_Loki: True? I can speak with this internet being right now?_

TS: Err….in a way. Now, Loki, if I share with you the information of the Internet then you have to be good giant frosty and not semi-evil psychopath prince.

LokI: You're not my father!

TS: Awe come on, Snappy, I thought we had something going here! Daddy's not going to show you the wonders of the internet if you don't behave!

_Loki: I'm have many more years than you, mortal!_

TS: Yes, in Asgardian years, but in human years you could be the kid I never knew I had!

_Loki: …._

TS: Okay, yeah that's a little weird. But don't blame me, you're the one that acts like a baby.

_Loki: I DO NOT!_

TS: Is baby Loki throwing another tantrum?

_Loki: I-_

_Loki: I apologize for my outburst man of Iron, please show me how to make contact with this internet being…_

TS: Okay, there's good frosty, now listen, there are some places you should never visit…such a certain Tumblr….

* * *

...**TBC **

_Dun, dun, dun! What did you think of Tony/Loki's Text conversation?! What will Loki do with the power of the internet?! Leave a comment below! I love reading them_! Also if you have an idea/or just want to see two characters texting, post it in the comments! Your wish is my command!

Also was thinking about writing an actually _angsty_ story- filled with _brotherly angst! _Maybe a one shot or a couple chapters. Let me know if you guys would be interested in something like that!

x

VR


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